A GOOD MARRIAGE IS BASED ON TRUST IN EACH OTHER

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3.... Children are generally trusting by nature; if they experience disappointment and hurt, however, they learn to doubt others. Likewise, young lovers often enter marriage having complete faith in one another, but a single act of disloyalty, however small, can shatter that trust, undermining and perhaps ruining the marriage relationship. If your trust in each other remains pristine, if you feel you have no cause to doubt one another, recognize this as a true blessing! Cherish and protect that trust. It may seem rock-solid to you, but it is a fragile thing and so difficult to repair if broken. There are many levels of unfaithfulness, ranging from the secret thoughts of the heart, to the adultery of the eyes, to the emotional infidelity of inappropriate “friendships” both in the real world and on the internet, and all the way to physical acts of betrayal. Fight it at the heart level, and you won’t have to worry about the rest. God will help you there. In fact, it’s only with His help that you can win this battle. 1 Corinthians 4:2 says, “Those who have been given a trust prove faithful.” Your spouse has given you their complete trust. Don’t betray it. In your actions, in your thoughts, In the depths of your heart, be completely worthy.

BELIEVE THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, THINGS WILL WORK OUT RIGHT.

“I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.... You and your spouse may think you have your entire life mapped out. You know where you are going, and you have figured out the way to get there. But be forewarned: You may run into delays and detours. In fact, God may ultimately have in mind for you a change in destination. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” It’s hard to discern what is happening when things go awry along life’s journey. Did we mark the map correctly? Did we make the right turn? Have we missed important intersections? Something’s wrong. Nothing looks familiar. This is not the direction we are supposed to be going. We must be lost! When panic begins to set in, pull over for a few moments, shut off the car, and breathe a little prayer. Ask God to calm your fears and help you understand what he’s doing in your life. Fold up your map, put it away, and pray for new direction, asking God to not only show you the way but ride with you and be your guide. Then turn the key, shift into gear, and head down the highway, trusting in the Lord’s goodness and His ability to take you where He knew all along you needed to go!

REMEMBER YOUR VOWS. THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE TRUE

Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all the living creatures of every kind on the earth. Genesis 9:16.... If your child were to ask you what the stones on your wedding ring mean, would you be able to say precisely? Perhaps you could talk about how your ring symbolizes unending love, devotion, and commitment, but would you be able to remember and discuss all the promises you made to your spouse on your wedding day? If not, how do you know you are keeping your vows? After the Israelites crossed the Jordan River and entered the Promised Land, the Lord instructed them to pick twelve stones from the middle of the river, which he had caused to stop flowing, and set them up as a reminder of this miraculous event. God said, “In the future, when your children ask you, ‘what do these stones mean?’ tell them….” (Joshua 4:6-7). He meant for the stones to be a permanent memorial to His people of the specific events of that day. Here’s a thought: why not memorize your wedding vows? It wouldn’t be any harder than learning the pledge of allegiance. You probably have them recorded somewhere, on paper or video. Commit them to memory so that every time you look at your wedding ring, you can recite them, meditate on each one, and rededicate yourself to keeping them. Remembering promises is so important that God Himself makes it a priority.

WORK HARD BUT TAKE TIME TO PLAY, TOO!

God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11.... Have you ever seen those desktop pool table, with their little cue sticks and tiny balls? It seems silly for a respectable businessperson to have one in the office, let alone play with it- Yet it’s amazing how relaxing, refreshing, and rejuvenating a few moments of fun in the middle of a hectic, stressful day can be. That must also explain dartboards, Nerf basketballs, and those hanging steel balls that knock each other back and forth. We might think of taking time to play in terms of a full-blown vacation that includes travel, great dining, and lots of entertainment. But for married couples, more often it means a weekend getaway, or just an hour or two in the evening, or maybe even simply a couple of stolen minutes of fun. Don’t burn yourself out with all work and no play, settling for daydreams about your big summer trip. Every now and then shut off the vacuum cleaner, sit down at the piano, and play a song. Close the word processer on your PC and double click a favorite computer game instead. Go for a short bike ride and enjoy the sunshine. Practice your putting. Better yet, call your mate at work and say, “Honey, is there any way you can get out of your meeting this afternoon?” Your spouse is probably just shooting pool anyway.

PUT EACH OTHER FIRST, DO EVERYTHING WITH YOUR SPOUSE IN MIND.

The Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve. Mark 10:45.... There are two ways to go about marriage. One is to think about your needs; the other is to concentrate on the needs of your spouse. If each partner selfishly demands that the other meet their needs, the relationship will be characterized by disappointment, resentment, and bitterness. On the other hand, if each partner lovingly strives to fulfill the other’s needs, the marriage will be characterized by mutual satisfaction, gratefulness, and joy. That’s God’s way of doing things. The bible says your attitude should be just like Christ’s, who, “being in the very nature of God, took on the very nature of a servant” (Philippians 2:6-7). If anybody had a right to demand service, it was Jesus! But He loved His disciples enough to stop and wash their feet. You may fear that if you don’t focus on your own needs, you’ll be taken advantage of. But if you trusts God’s wisdom and focus on your partner’s needs, the likelihood is that you’ll be doubly blessed! When your spouse senses that you have their well- being in mind and are trying to meet their needs, your spouse will usually reciprocate enthusiastically. Plus, you’ll find there is an additional satisfaction and joy to be found in serving the one you love, because truly. “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). HOW will you do to serve your spouse today?

LERAN TO PUT UP WITH HIS LITTLE QUIRKS- HE’S LEARNED TO PUT UP WITH YOURS.

Patiently put up with each other and love each other. Ephesians 4::2.... Whether traveling across the plains in a Conestoga wagon or touring the country in a motor home, spouses have always irritated each other. A woman whose husband insists on re-double checking the tire pressure gets just as annoyed as the woman whose mate kept stopping to examine the horseshoes. If toothpaste came in tubes back then, surely one of those spouse squeezed it wrong. And it’s a safe bet that at least one pair of socks got left on the prairie because some wife had had enough of her husband’s habit of throwing dirty clothes everywhere. If it’s a simple matter for you to change a little quirk that gets on your spouse’s nerves, make the change. Anything you can do to promote harmony in your home will pay great dividends. Your partner will thank you, and you won’t have to endure anymore nagging (at least on that issue). And if your loved one does some small thing that rubs you the wrong way, communicate your feelings constructively- once. Beyond that, overlook the behavior Decide that it’s not worth getting upset about and fighting over. Correct the “error” when and if necessary, joke about it occasionally, and choose to love your spouse all the more for their endearing foibles. Rather than constantly pointing out your partners faults, focus on what you can do to travel through life together peacefully!

MARRY SOMEONE WHO'S A GOOD COOK!

Eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Isaiah 55:2.... They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. That may or may not be true in love and marriage, but good food- delicious, satisfying, life-giving, and nutritious- is the key when it comes to a relationship with God, and such a relationship is the foundation of a good marriage. So even if you and your spouse are unfamiliar with recipe books, don’t neglect to spend time and get acquainted with the bible. God’s words themselves are food for the soul. Psalm 119:103 says, “How sweet are your words too my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Not only will the bible lead you and your mate to a closer relationship with your heavenly Father, but it contains a wealth of wisdom for nurturing and enhancing your relationship with each other. The bible will also point you to God’s Son. Jesus said, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me shall never hunger…If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever.” In the gospels we are introduced to Christ, we walk with Him and get to know Him, we hear His words and learn from Him. And in Him our deepest hunger is satisfied!

KEEP YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT- RESPONCIBILITY AHEAD OF PLEASURE

Develop your business first before building your house. Proverbs 24:27.... Marital bliss isn’t all fun and games- never has been and never will be. Even Adam and Eve, living in the Garden of Eden, had work to do. And heaven will require responsibility as well as recreation. Rule one is, work before play. Gt your chores done, then have a good time. This is important to remember if you are the less responsible, more fun-loving partner. Playing while work goes undone will add to your spouse’s stress, not alleviate it. (But remember, you overly responsible types: the work is never done. Learn to relax.) Rule two is, needs before wants. Before you buy nonessentials, budget your money so you can pay bills, cover unexpected expenses, reduce debt, and save. When your finances are in order, you and your spouse can truly enjoy those little extras. Rule three is, Career before dream house. A home is a good investment, but don’t jump in over your head. Establish your livelihood first, let that determine your standard of living, and be content with how the Lord has chosen too bless you. Marriage involves a great deal of responsibility, but if you keep your priorities straight, it can be heavenly!

BE ABLE TO COMPROMISE WHEN THERE IS A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION

Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? Amos 3:3.... Here’s a common dilemma between spouses: where to spend the holidays, with his family or hers? This is especially troublesome when both families are out of state, and visiting them involves a great deal of travel expense. What if a couple with young children can only afford to make one trip a year? Whose parents will bounce grandchildren on their knees Christmas morning, and whose will have to settle for three-by-fives in their greeting cards? Surely a compromise is in order. Working out an agreement that will satisfy both spouses requires communication, negotiation, creativity, and some give and take. After carefully listening to each other’s needs and desires, both partners must be willing to make sacrifices to accommodate one another. Then a happy medium can be reached. Perhaps the couple could visit his parents one year, and hers the next. Politics is the art of compromise- and so is marriage. Your willingness to compromise is an expression of your love for your spouse. It proves that you are concerned for your mate’s happiness as well as your own.

DON’T EXPECT EVERYTHING IN YOUR MARRIAGE TO BE PERFECT

I, Jesus…[AM] the bright morning star. Revelation 22:16.... “Once upon a time, they lived happily ever after.” There it is- the world’s shortest fairy tale. A bit lacking in detail, but it kind of captures the essence of all fairy tales, doesn’t it? The dreamy, romantic quality, the perfect, blissful ending- just right for bedtime storybooks, but as it turns out, not such a good model for marriages! You and your spouse have to live out your “ever after” in the real world, where things don’t always go so smoothly. That’s ok, as long as your expectations are in line with reality. The problem is, many of us cling to fairy-tale notion about married life, expect our partners to live up to them, and experience bitter disappointment and resentment when, despite all our wishing on stars, our dreams don’t exactly come true. So far the sake of our marriages, it’s time to say goodbye to never-never land. It’s time to embrace life as it really is and grapple with its challenges. It’s time to see our spouses as they really are, and not complain when the slipper falls off. But must we give up all our dreams? For believers, the answer is no. We simply look toward heaven and place our faith, our hope for eternal joy, in something more powerful than a wish.

ENJOY TH SIMPLE THINGS- LIKE LOOKING AT SUNSETS

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised. Psalm 113:3.... When you and your spouse feel the need to get back to the basics, to look beyond the clutter and clamor of this bewildering, complicated world and see what really matters, just go outside together for a moment and gaze upward. No matter what time of day it is, you will witness God’s splendor- and you’ll be reminded that your primary purpose in living, the fundamental reason why the Lord created you both and brought you together, is to worship Him. Psalm 119:: 1-2 says, “The heavens declare the glory of God the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.” Whether you behold a sunrise or a sunset, whether the skies are blue or grey, whether you see a full moon or nothing but stars- God made it all, and He is worthy of adoration. Spend time with your spouse outdoors now and then, just enjoying the simple things, wondering at the beauty of God’s awesome works, and doing what the Lord created you to do. And when a butterfly floats out of the shy and alights nearby, examine it closely and consider, who but God cold have made such aa awesome, “simple” thing?

REMEMBER, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT!

Pride leads to arguments; those who take advice are wise. Proverbs 13:10.... The need to win every argument is a good indicator of a prideful nature. In contrast, a willingness to admit error points to a humble spirit. It’s no secret as to which the bible advocates. Proverbs 11:2 says, “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Pride exacerbates dissent just as surely as do harsh, angry words, while humility promotes peaceful resolution. So the trick to reducing the amount of intensity of conflict in a marriage is, quite simply, to replace pride with humility. We must examine the condition of our heart. If we discover our attitude is one of stubbornness and pride, we should ask ourselves why. What is the root of our conceit? If we are honest with ourselves, we will often find that our pridefulness is a defense mechanism, a mask for feelings of uncertainty and inferiority. It’s a substitute for having the courage to say, “I don’t know” and risk losing the esteem of others. Pride is a stick we lean on t prop ourselves up; that’s why it often goes before the fall. Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t have all the answers, and don’t hesitate to confess when you’re wrong. You don’t need a flimsy crutch like pride to stand tall- God promises to lift up those who humble themselves.

BE EACH OTHER’S VERY BEST FRIEND

The two of us have vowed friendship in god’s name. 1 Samuel 20:42.... Perhaps the most compelling example of friendship in the bible is that of David and Jonathan. They loved each other dearly; they took an oath of everlasting friendship; and Jonathan even gave David gifts as tokens of their bond. Their relationship is summed up in the words of 1 Samuel 18:1, “Jonathan became one in the spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.” You and your spouse can and should be the best of friends. Like David and Jonathan, you can and should be soul mates. Follow their example and acknowledge your friendship. The next chance you get, take your partner by the hand and say, “you know, you really are my closest friend in the world.” Express how much your friendship means to you. And once in a while, on no particular occasion, surprise your spouse with a gift to celebrate and commemorate your friendship. Nurture the friendship component of your marriage by doing the things friends do: talking, having fun together, treating each other well, helping one another, standing up for each other, encouraging one another, forgiving each other. Take time to reflect that, just as David and Jonathan cemented their friendship with a solemn vow, you and your spouse have permanently sealed you friendship within the sacred covenant of matrimony. YOU have become BEST FRIENDS for life.

MAKE SURE YOUR DISPOSITIONS FIT. DON’T JUST “FALL IN LOVE.”

Be ye not unequally yoked together. 2 Corinthians 6:14.... Romantic love is a glorious thing, but it will not serve as the foundation for a marriage. For starters, it has to do with emotions, and emotions are unreliable. As desirable as romantic feelings are, they are not a sound enough foundation on which to build a lifelong relationship. A marriage that will endure the test of time must rest on a solid bedrock. Genesis 24 tells us the story of how Abraham, who was living among the ungodly inhabitants of a foreign land, sent a servant to his country to find a wife for his son Isaac from among his own people. Abraham wanted Isaac to marry a woman who would share his son’s beliefs and be committed to his principles. God guided the servant Rebekah, whose family was related to Abraham and knew the Lord. When the servant brought the girl to Isaac, “she became his wife, and he loved her” (Genesis 24:67). This couple experienced romance, but their relationship was based on something deeper. Jesus stated that only a house built on his truth would stand. If you are thinking about getting married, consider the wisdom of His words. If your marriage is based on mutual faith in Christ, you and your spouse can rejoice that your home rets secure. And if it isn’t, it’s not too late to redo the foundation. Today is the day of salvation, make him your ROCK, your SHIELD, and your SALVATION!

NEVER GO TO SLEEP ANGRY

Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8.... What goes through your head when you lie in bed at night? Are you silently thanking the Lord for all He has done for you during the day? Or are you quietly stewing over a disagreement you had with your spouse that afternoon? Are you praying for loved ones, asking God to bless them and watch over them through the night, or are you mentally ticking off a list of grievances your spouse has caused you and delineating each of your partner’s negative qualities? Your mate may be fast asleep beside you, total unaware of your anger. Perhaps you failed to express it properly at the appropriate time, and now it’s all bottled up inside you. Or maybe you made your feelings known but weren’t able to completely forgive your spouse, and now you feel justified in holding on to at least some resentment. In any case, although your attitude will harm both of you in the long run, right now you are the one who is suffering and losing sleep. Release your anger by fully and unconditionally forgiving your partner, tearing up your internal list of complaints, and meditating on your spouse’s positive traits instead. God promises us forgiveness when we are willing to forgive others, and peace when we focus on the good in those around us.

DON’T TRY TO CHANGE EACH OTHER

Honor God by accepting each other, as Christ has accepted you. Romans 15:7.... There are core aspects of each individual that are hardwired into their personality. No matter how hard you try, you won’t ever be able to change them. You will never turn someone who is basically reserved into a person who is naturally outspoken and gregarious. A generally detailed oriented person will always struggle when dealing with abstract, nebulous circumstances. Every personality trait has positive, beneficial qualities, as well as the potential to produce negative results. The downside of a good personality trait usually becomes apparent when it is carried to extremes. For example, a person’s imbued with strong leadership qualities and a decisive nature may go too far and step on others’ toes. Someone with a great work ethic might go overboard and become a workaholic, bringing harm to the relationship with their spouse and children. However, in His wisdom God brings into marriage two people whose personalities mesh, supplementing each other’s strengths, making up for each other’s weaknesses, and moderating one another’s tendency toward excess. The secret is not to try to change the person the Lord gave you as your spouse but to receive them with acceptance, join with them enthusiastically, and help bring out the best of their God given personality!

BUSY HANDS MAKE A GOOD MARRIAGE!

Sow your seeds in the morning, and in the evening let not your hands be idle. Ecclesiastes 11:6.... It’s good to be busy, but not too busy. As with so many things in life, it’s all a matter of degree. The commands diligence but warns against working to much; it offers rest for the weary and sleep for God’s loved ones yet condemns excessive idleness. So where do you draw the line? Get the sleep you need but don’t become a sluggard. Balance your time together with time for yourselves, time with your children, time with friends, and time with the Lord. Balance spending to meet your needs with giving to supply the needs of the poor. Balance looking after your interests with considering the well-being of others. Balance seriousness with laughter, the newspaper headlines with the funny pages, news reports with comedy and cartoons, praying about the world’s problems with enjoying the wonders of God’s creation. If the scale of busyness must tip one way or the other, however, it’s a safe bet to lean towards working hard. If idleness truly is the devil’s playground, then it’s better to keep yourself occupied with worthwhile pursuits and stay out of trouble.

PRAY WITH EACH OTHER AND FOR EACH OTHER DAILY

The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results James 5:16.... Praying for your spouse has an immediate, strong emotional effect on you. Not only are you privy to your partners inner self as they pour out their needs and desire to God, but when your mate begins to pray for you, as, asking the Lord to grant your deepest longings and help you in your most guarded areas of weakness, you are struck by how well you are known, how thoroughly you are understood, and how much you are loved. However, prayer is much more than an emotional experience. As you pray for your loved ones, you are inviting the almighty God to act in their lives, to move in their circumstances, to mold their characters, to change the very attitudes of their heart. You are unleashing the power of Good to protect and provide, to nurture and guide and bless. What more meaningful thing could you do for the people you cherish? Proverbs 15:8 says, “The Lord delights in the prayers of the upright.” This scripture provides a powerful incentive for godliness. When we realize that our conduct affects the way God hears our prayers for ourselves, our spouse, and our children, we begin to recognize the eternal ramifications of our sinfulness. Thankfully, though, Jesus offers His righteousness in exchange for our imperfection- and when we make the trade, our prayer become music to God’ ears. Today I the perfect day to begin praying with your spouse!

TO HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE WORK AS A TEAM

Everyone who planted the seed and everyone who harvests the crop will celebrate together. John 4:36.... A precise division of labor can be very helpful to your marriage relationship. Deciding together who will take care of which chores around the home ensures that you and your spouse agree on which tasks need to be done and who will be responsible for them. This lays a framework of clear expectations and accountability to one another. Without such an agreement, things slip through the cracks and go undone, and you may end up pointing a fingers at each other, arguing over who is to blame. When assigning tasks, take into account each partner’s strength and weaknesses. This is more important consideration than traditional gender roles. If one of you is better with numbers than the other, for example, that person should be the one to maintain the checkbook and keep track of your finances. decisions regarding income, spending, investing, and borrowing will of course be made together, o communicating with one another about the state of your finances is important. But paying the bills, balancing the checkbook, and other such duties can, and probably should be handled by one person alone. Teamwork is the name of the game. Both of you will benefit when you work together to maintain a happy home, each of you faithfully pulling your share of the load, counting on each other to get the job done. What will you start doing today to balance the load in your marriage?

LEARN TO BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30.... God’s tenth commandment says, “Do not covet your neighbor’s house….or anything else your neighbor owns” (Exodus 20:17). But what about family and friends? Sometimes the desire to keep pace with them is more of a problem than wanting to keep up with the Joneses. The Lord may bless our friends and the members of our extended family differently from the way He blesses us. These are the people we are closest to, the people we relate to and identify with most. When we see then prosper financally and begin to enjoy more and better material possessions, we may struggle with conflicting emotions. Of course we are happy for them and rejoice with them in their good fortune, but despite ourselves we may also experience pangs of jealously that lead to discontentment with the things God has given us. The only cure for envy and discontentment is gratitude. If you are wrestling with these feelings, try adopting a “desert Island” perspective. Envision yourself living with your immediate family, with all your belongings, on an otherwise uninhabited island. There’s no one else in sight, nobody to compete with, nothing to compare your possessions to. Imagine how thankful you would be for each blessing the Lord has bestowed! They key to contentment is to focus gratefully on what God has done for you…