MAKE SURE YOUR DISPOSITIONS FIT. DON’T JUST “FALL IN LOVE.”

Be ye not unequally yoked together. 2 Corinthians 6:14.... Romantic love is a glorious thing, but it will not serve as the foundation for a marriage. For starters, it has to do with emotions, and emotions are unreliable. As desirable as romantic feelings are, they are not a sound enough foundation on which to build a lifelong relationship. A marriage that will endure the test of time must rest on a solid bedrock. Genesis 24 tells us the story of how Abraham, who was living among the ungodly inhabitants of a foreign land, sent a servant to his country to find a wife for his son Isaac from among his own people. Abraham wanted Isaac to marry a woman who would share his son’s beliefs and be committed to his principles. God guided the servant Rebekah, whose family was related to Abraham and knew the Lord. When the servant brought the girl to Isaac, “she became his wife, and he loved her” (Genesis 24:67). This couple experienced romance, but their relationship was based on something deeper. Jesus stated that only a house built on his truth would stand. If you are thinking about getting married, consider the wisdom of His words. If your marriage is based on mutual faith in Christ, you and your spouse can rejoice that your home rets secure. And if it isn’t, it’s not too late to redo the foundation. Today is the day of salvation, make him your ROCK, your SHIELD, and your SALVATION!

NEVER GO TO SLEEP ANGRY

Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8.... What goes through your head when you lie in bed at night? Are you silently thanking the Lord for all He has done for you during the day? Or are you quietly stewing over a disagreement you had with your spouse that afternoon? Are you praying for loved ones, asking God to bless them and watch over them through the night, or are you mentally ticking off a list of grievances your spouse has caused you and delineating each of your partner’s negative qualities? Your mate may be fast asleep beside you, total unaware of your anger. Perhaps you failed to express it properly at the appropriate time, and now it’s all bottled up inside you. Or maybe you made your feelings known but weren’t able to completely forgive your spouse, and now you feel justified in holding on to at least some resentment. In any case, although your attitude will harm both of you in the long run, right now you are the one who is suffering and losing sleep. Release your anger by fully and unconditionally forgiving your partner, tearing up your internal list of complaints, and meditating on your spouse’s positive traits instead. God promises us forgiveness when we are willing to forgive others, and peace when we focus on the good in those around us.

DON’T TRY TO CHANGE EACH OTHER

Honor God by accepting each other, as Christ has accepted you. Romans 15:7.... There are core aspects of each individual that are hardwired into their personality. No matter how hard you try, you won’t ever be able to change them. You will never turn someone who is basically reserved into a person who is naturally outspoken and gregarious. A generally detailed oriented person will always struggle when dealing with abstract, nebulous circumstances. Every personality trait has positive, beneficial qualities, as well as the potential to produce negative results. The downside of a good personality trait usually becomes apparent when it is carried to extremes. For example, a person’s imbued with strong leadership qualities and a decisive nature may go too far and step on others’ toes. Someone with a great work ethic might go overboard and become a workaholic, bringing harm to the relationship with their spouse and children. However, in His wisdom God brings into marriage two people whose personalities mesh, supplementing each other’s strengths, making up for each other’s weaknesses, and moderating one another’s tendency toward excess. The secret is not to try to change the person the Lord gave you as your spouse but to receive them with acceptance, join with them enthusiastically, and help bring out the best of their God given personality!

BUSY HANDS MAKE A GOOD MARRIAGE!

Sow your seeds in the morning, and in the evening let not your hands be idle. Ecclesiastes 11:6.... It’s good to be busy, but not too busy. As with so many things in life, it’s all a matter of degree. The commands diligence but warns against working to much; it offers rest for the weary and sleep for God’s loved ones yet condemns excessive idleness. So where do you draw the line? Get the sleep you need but don’t become a sluggard. Balance your time together with time for yourselves, time with your children, time with friends, and time with the Lord. Balance spending to meet your needs with giving to supply the needs of the poor. Balance looking after your interests with considering the well-being of others. Balance seriousness with laughter, the newspaper headlines with the funny pages, news reports with comedy and cartoons, praying about the world’s problems with enjoying the wonders of God’s creation. If the scale of busyness must tip one way or the other, however, it’s a safe bet to lean towards working hard. If idleness truly is the devil’s playground, then it’s better to keep yourself occupied with worthwhile pursuits and stay out of trouble.

PRAY WITH EACH OTHER AND FOR EACH OTHER DAILY

The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results James 5:16.... Praying for your spouse has an immediate, strong emotional effect on you. Not only are you privy to your partners inner self as they pour out their needs and desire to God, but when your mate begins to pray for you, as, asking the Lord to grant your deepest longings and help you in your most guarded areas of weakness, you are struck by how well you are known, how thoroughly you are understood, and how much you are loved. However, prayer is much more than an emotional experience. As you pray for your loved ones, you are inviting the almighty God to act in their lives, to move in their circumstances, to mold their characters, to change the very attitudes of their heart. You are unleashing the power of Good to protect and provide, to nurture and guide and bless. What more meaningful thing could you do for the people you cherish? Proverbs 15:8 says, “The Lord delights in the prayers of the upright.” This scripture provides a powerful incentive for godliness. When we realize that our conduct affects the way God hears our prayers for ourselves, our spouse, and our children, we begin to recognize the eternal ramifications of our sinfulness. Thankfully, though, Jesus offers His righteousness in exchange for our imperfection- and when we make the trade, our prayer become music to God’ ears. Today I the perfect day to begin praying with your spouse!

TO HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE WORK AS A TEAM

Everyone who planted the seed and everyone who harvests the crop will celebrate together. John 4:36.... A precise division of labor can be very helpful to your marriage relationship. Deciding together who will take care of which chores around the home ensures that you and your spouse agree on which tasks need to be done and who will be responsible for them. This lays a framework of clear expectations and accountability to one another. Without such an agreement, things slip through the cracks and go undone, and you may end up pointing a fingers at each other, arguing over who is to blame. When assigning tasks, take into account each partner’s strength and weaknesses. This is more important consideration than traditional gender roles. If one of you is better with numbers than the other, for example, that person should be the one to maintain the checkbook and keep track of your finances. decisions regarding income, spending, investing, and borrowing will of course be made together, o communicating with one another about the state of your finances is important. But paying the bills, balancing the checkbook, and other such duties can, and probably should be handled by one person alone. Teamwork is the name of the game. Both of you will benefit when you work together to maintain a happy home, each of you faithfully pulling your share of the load, counting on each other to get the job done. What will you start doing today to balance the load in your marriage?

LEARN TO BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30.... God’s tenth commandment says, “Do not covet your neighbor’s house….or anything else your neighbor owns” (Exodus 20:17). But what about family and friends? Sometimes the desire to keep pace with them is more of a problem than wanting to keep up with the Joneses. The Lord may bless our friends and the members of our extended family differently from the way He blesses us. These are the people we are closest to, the people we relate to and identify with most. When we see then prosper financally and begin to enjoy more and better material possessions, we may struggle with conflicting emotions. Of course we are happy for them and rejoice with them in their good fortune, but despite ourselves we may also experience pangs of jealously that lead to discontentment with the things God has given us. The only cure for envy and discontentment is gratitude. If you are wrestling with these feelings, try adopting a “desert Island” perspective. Envision yourself living with your immediate family, with all your belongings, on an otherwise uninhabited island. There’s no one else in sight, nobody to compete with, nothing to compare your possessions to. Imagine how thankful you would be for each blessing the Lord has bestowed! They key to contentment is to focus gratefully on what God has done for you…

KEEP TWO COZY CHAIRS SIDE BY SIDE, AND ENJOY TIME EACH DAY JUST SITTING TOGETHER

My lover is mine, and I am his Song of Songs 2:16.... He closes the sliding glass door with one hand, holding two cups of coffee with the other. Carefully he makes his way to where she is sitting on their deck, watching the orange of the sunset begin to fade. Their favorite sitting place is nothing fancy, just a couple of comfortable patio chairs on the old wooden deck they jokingly refer to as “the west terrace.” It’s where they like to spend a few moments together every evening, just being together and enjoying the beauty of God’s creation. The phone rings inside the house, but they let the answering machine pick it up. “Kids are asleep”, he says with a grin, handing her a cup. “Thanks,” she says smiling. As he sits beside her, she thinks about how glad she is they made a pact a long time ago to leave the TV off for an hour after the children were put to bed, to give themselves some time to sit outside, unwind from the day, and connect. They chitchat and laugh, enjoying the cool air and each other’s company as they watch the stars come out. For a while each evening they shut out all distractions and focus on one another. They belong to each other and no one else. She sips her coffee and reflects, it’s a gift we’ve given ourselves.

MARRY A HARD WORKER AND A GOOD PROVIDER.

Those who work hard will prosper and be satisfied Proverbs 13.4.... Ladies, you’ve heard this time-honored counsel before, and it’s worth heeding. A hard-working nature is the hallmark of a godly man, and the Lord will use such to provide for your needs for food, clothing, and shelter, making you feel loved and safe and secure. The alternative is not good. According to Ecclesiastes 10:18; if you marry a lazy man, your hose will be in poor repair. You may end up carrying an umbrella indoors-if the roof doesn’t cave in altogether! But gentleman, this is good advice for you as well, Proverbs 31 describes a wife of noble character, and she is depicted as a woman who applies herself to her duties with enthusiasm, intelligence, and vigor. Not one to be idle, she works hard to care for her family and diligently manages the affairs of the home. “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life” (Proverbs 31:11). Both he and their children consider her blessed. Maintaining a healthy marriage relationship is, in and of itself work. So is earning money, keeping up the house and yard, raising children, and a myriad of other chores that come with married life. Find a mate who is up to the task, and together you can work hard to build a home.

LEARN FROM OTHERS. GOOD FAMILY ROLE MODELS CAN HELP

He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, Just as his father David had done. 2 Kings 18:3.... God’s Word comes to us in a multitude of ways. He has made His wisdom for living available in written form, the bible, so we can learn to love each other and please Him. The gospels tell about the life of Jesus, God’s Word in human form, our ultimate role model for right living. However, God’s Word becomes particularly meaningful, powerful, and effective in our lives today when it is manifested in the people around us. Members of our family who have chosen to follow Christ and have allowed God’s Word to sink into their hearts and actions have a dramatic impact on our lives as we listen to them, observe their behavior, and strive to walk in their footsteps. The apostle Paul wrote, “Follow my example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). God wants us to benefit from the faithful role models He has placed in our lives. If the Lord has blessed you with family members who set a godly in their work, their play, their relationships, and their marriage, learn from them and try hard to emulate them. God created the family as a potent means of molding character and teaching about life. Good family role models can lead us on the right path and help us become people worth following.

ALWAYS RESPECT ONE ANOTHER

Respect everyone and show special love for God’s people 1 Peter 2:17.... Parents of young children are often reminded- as when their five-year-old demands, “Get me something to eat!” –of the value of good manners. It’s surprising how much difference a simple “please” can make. Simple gestures of politeness go a long way in helping people interact smoothly and harmoniously. Married couples sometimes need to be reminded that it’s important to continue showing each other the same consideration they did when they were dating. One of the reasons courtship is so romantic is that starry-eyed lovers are always on their best behavior, treating each other with decency and respect. Their every word and action indicates that they value and appreciate one another. Practicing politeness requires forethought and effort, however. It’s interesting to note that good manners do not come easily- children must learn them and then practice them. Youngsters tend to think of themselves first, before considering others’ needs. As adults, unfortunately, we are not entirely free of that inclination. Human nature sometimes causes us to indulge in selfish, disrespectful, immature behavior- which only leads to hurt feelings and resentment. Nobody likes to be treated rudely or taken for granted. Start today by offering your spouse simple tokens of respect it conveys esteem, recognition, and regard. It validates the dignity and worth of the person you love the most

LEARN TO LOVE AND APPPRECIATE THE GOOD IN EACH OTHER

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:6.... Are people basically Good or bad? The bibles answer to this philosophical question is “both.” God’s Word clearly states that every person inherited the nature of Adam and Eve, who committed the original sin by disobeying God in the Garden of Eden. However, all of us share something else with our ancestors: we bear the image of God. When the Lord created human beings, he declared them to be very good. In relating to your spouse, the question is, should we focus on the good or the bad? The answer is, both. We must accept the whole person, imperfection and all. However, you’ll want to celebrate your spouse’s positive qualities. Express your appreciation for their admirable traits, and congratulate your spouse on the things they do well. You will encourage your partner and foster their continued character development. Deal with the negative aspects of your spouse in the same way God chooses to handle imperfection- gracefully and lovingly. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Love covers all wrongs.” Embrace you beloved as is, warts and all, with every virtue and vice. However, cherish, accentuate, and build upon the positive.

This is how God showed His love among us; He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him 1 John 4:9.... John 3:16 says, “God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not parish but have eternal life.” When your heavenly Father wanted to express His love, He gave up what was most precious to Him: His Son, Jesus. Christ in return gave up His life to reveal His love. Are you willing to give up everything for your spouse? If the need arose, would you be willing to die for them? Perhaps you would. For most of us, though, there is a more pressing question, and we are called to give up our life in a different way, one that may be even harder. The question is, are you willing to live for your spouse? Are you willing to pour out your life each day for your beloved? If the greatest expression of love is self-sacrifice, then God and Jesus have set the standard. They have raised the bar to the highest standard. Our greatest response to Their sacrificial love for us is to reciprocate, loving Them both with all our being and giving ourselves for Their sake. Love is also to sacrifice for the one whom They cherish beyond measure- YOUR spouse. So, are you willing to give your life for your spouse? START NOW!

LEARN TO TALK THINGS OVER

The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters Proverbs 18:4.... When two people get married, they need to find a way to understand each other, or the relationship will soon be in trouble. If they are wise, they will do one of two things; either learn to read minds or polish their communication skills. A common problem couples face is that both spouses think their partner ought to be able, in some mysterious way, to perceive what they are thinking and feeling. For whatever reason, at some point the idea if he loves me, he should know what I need- without my having to tell him! Gets implanted in their heads. And of course, this expectation goes unspoken. Words are mighty tools for nurturing intimacy, maintaining unity, resolving conflict, and sharing hopes and dreams. Language, ability to express our deepest thoughts and sentiments and reveal our true inner selves through the spoken word, is a beautiful gift from our loving creator. We must not neglect it! Real communication goes beyond words. It includes eye contact, tone of voice, and body language. And there are two main components to the act of communication: talking and listening. The latter is not a passive activity; it is an active process that should be practiced and mastered. Learn to listen well, and you will be amazed at what you discover in your spouse’s heart and soul. Today is a perfect day to apply this to your marriage!

DO THINGS TOGETHER TODAY- YOU MAY NOT HAVE TOMORROW

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24.... It is sad to think that you and your spouse must say goodbye someday. Not knowing when that will happen gives you a powerful incentive to live each day as if it were the last one you will share. It motivates you to appreciate each other, cherish one another deeply, and treat each other lovingly. God wants you to live your lives to the fullest every day, enjoying each other and entrusting tomorrow to Him. However, this is not to say that you live only for today, disregarding the future and adopting the philosophy, “Let us eat, drink, for tomorrow we die; (1 Corinthians 15:32). God wants you to live each day with the knowledge that you are eternal beings, and your choices have eternal consequences. It is sad to contemplate the darkness of death, but if you choose to put your faith in Jesus Christ, you have bright hope! You and your spouse may not have tomorrow here on earth, but you will enjoy an eternity in heaven with God who loves and you and created you. There will be endless happiness and joy, and wonder upon and wonder for you to experience together. The joy you share today needn’t be dimmed by the prospect of death; instead, it can shine with the promise of eternal life. It’s your choice. What will you choose today?

RELAX, GROW OLD AND MELLOW TOGETHER

Gray hair is a mark of distinction Proverbs 16:31.... The prospect of aging may seem daunting to you and your spouse. If you are prone to worry, there’s plenty to be concerned about during this stage of life- as true with every other stage. But God doesn’t want you to live your life burdened with worry! He wants your hearts and minds to be at peace. So as you grow old together, relax, be lighthearted and carefree, and don’t be afraid, because God has promised to look after you: “I’ve been carrying you on my back from the day you were born, and I’ll keep carrying you when you are old” (Isaiah 46:3-4). Secure in this knowledge, you are free to enjoy your golden years! With age comes not only wisdom and respect but also certain privileges and opportunities, so make the most of them. Share what you have learned with a younger couple, in this world we live in today…every young couple needs a mentor!

WHEN YOU MARRY COMMIT FOR A LIFETIME

Guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth Malachi 2:15.... Often grown children of divorced parents approach marriage with a deep appreciation for the value of a lifelong commitment. They’ve endured firsthand the trauma of divorce, having felt the earth-shaking tremors and witnessed the collapse of their home, and they’re determined not to go through it again- or put their own children through it. Most of us, if we haven’t ourselves been at the epicenter of divorce, have sensed the after-shocks among extended family, our circle of friends, or our associates. Like the children of divorce, we would do well to learn from our experience and take promises of matrimony to heart. When you speak your wedding vows, make a deep commitment to God, your spouse, and yourself to keep them for life. Decide in the core of your being that you are in this relationship for better or for worse, come what may. A powerful way to reinforce your commitment over time is to renew your vows on a regular basis. You can do this every year, in a solemn personal ceremony in the privacy of your own home. Or every few years, perhaps on significant anniversaries, you can reaffirm publicly your dedication to one another. Marriage is a covenant and is sacred to God. You will honor the Lord, and He will honor you, if you stay true to your promise. What can you do today to strengthen your commitment to your spouse?

DON’T BE AFRAID TO EXPRESS YOUR AFFECTION

Love one another deeply, from the heart 1 Peter 1:22.... The marriage relationship is multifaceted, precious diamond, and among it’s many qualities are feeling of tender affection. If romantic passion is the sparkling brilliance of the gemstone, fondness is the fire that glows inside, the colors that shimmer deep within. And while the bright white dazzle flashes only intermittently, a close examination of the stone reveals that the colors are always there. Find ways to show your Spouse the fire that glows in your heart. Your gestures don’t have to be overly creative, just simple expressions that say, “I don’t only love you, I really like you.” Sometimes it just takes a few words. Jesus communicated this sentiment to His disciples when He said, “you are my friends” (John 15:15). Sometimes all it takes is the twinkle in your eyes. Whether they are green or blue or brown, your warm look will always display the hues of your affection. And sometimes a mere touch will showcase your fondness. A squeeze of your mate’s shoulder, a hand laid gently over theirs, will help show the colors of your heart. The diamond in your spouse’s wedding ring is perhaps the most visible expression of your tender feelings. Take your partner’s hand, point out the fire deep in the stone, and tell them what it means!

NEVER BE THE FIRST ONE TO GET ANGRY

Blessed are the peace makers, for they will be called sons of God Matthew 5:9.... Instead of being “fasted gun in the west” with your anger, strive to be the first to work at resolution and reconciliation. Proverbs 15:18 says, “Those who are hot-tempered stir up strife, but those who are slow to anger calm contention. The title peacemaker is much nobler! Try to determine if the problem is the result of poor communication or a simple misunderstanding. Recently a mother got into a heated debate with her three-year-old daughter while discussing an upcoming road trip. The daughter seemed to be insisting that she did not want to be buckled into her car seat. “Stand!” she kept saying. The mother told her firmly, “You will have to sit!” The daughter responded in frustration, “Stand!” The argument escalated until the mother suddenly realized that the little girl was trying to say, “I don’t understand!” Sometimes we struggle to find the right words to express a deeply felt need or emotion. We may not even quite understand what we are feeling inside. It may be up to us to ask thoughtful, probing questions and then listen intently for the real message behind your spouse’s words. If you are quick to draw with your temper, you’ll miss this opportunity for constructive communication and deepening your love.

FIRST MAKE A COMMITMENT TO THE LORD, THEN TO EACH OTHER

I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws. Psalm 119:106.... Have you considered that when you stood before God, your loved one, and your community and took the vows of sacred matrimony, you not only made a promise to the Lord, your spouse, and the community, you stepped into an institution established by God? Marriage is His idea, His creation. He owns it, you’ve entered it, and you’re bound to abide by His rules which govern it. Marriage involves, first and foremost, a commitment to the Lord. He has taken another person, someone He cherishes, someone He created and nurtured and watched over and guided through the years, someone in whom He has invested great deal and for whom He has incredible plans; and He has entrusted that person to your care. His rules for marriage are meant to provide one He loves with a secure, loving environment in which to flourish. God’s rules for marriage are meant for your benefit, too, because He feels the same way about you. Marriage is a miracle in which the Lord joins two souls so they can experience a special kind of blessing, an inner growth, and an opportunity to glorify Him that they never would have known apart. Make a commitment to God and to your spouse that you will abide by His rules for marriage- and experience everything this miracle has to offer.

FOCUS ON THE THINGS THAT MATTER, AND LET THE LITTLE THINGS SLIDE

Having food and clothing, with these we shall be content 1 Timothy 6:8... Life gets crazy busy. This is true whether we’re helping our spouse finish college, parenting young children, or working two jobs to make ends meet. At times it’s easy to become frustrated and depressed because the house is always dusty, the furniture is looking worn, the curtains in the bedroom don’t match the colors of the bedspread, and the car door is starting to rust. It’s hard not to focus on problems like these and begin to devote our time, energy, and resources to fixing them. Yet if we don’t learn to let them go and keep our attention God wants us to trust in Him for everything. And from His perspective even in life’s essentials are little things. Jesus said, “Do not worry, saying, what shall we eat? Or what shall we wear?...seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things will be given unto you.” At the end of the day, we should be thankful that the Lord has provided us, and our families with a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, and food to eat. And most of all we should be grateful that He has freed us from the need to worry, so we can focus on what’s truly important. How will you apply this in your marriage today